_____ YORK 1971____ :____ JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1971_____ : JANUARY 1971:___: New Years Day January First was a FRIDAY,,,, Now THIS was the worst year of my life. I had completely given up on ever becoming anything. I could see that it was all determined by money and how much money ones parents had. There had been no reward for my studiousness as a kid. All I had been doing was losing my youth while normal kids were having fun. I was a wreck. All I ever did was worry about accomplishing all the things that others and myself had expecte dof me since birth. Always trying to live up to what others expected of me and cracking more and more under the strain. I was no longer a good student but I was certainly not a happy young person either. I now figured it was pretty much all over. I saw no way to remember all the stuff I learned after Id be out for years from a subject so difficult. I saw no way to pay all these huge amounts of money, especially now that moving to York made my parents broke again. My ulcer wasnt going away by being out. All that was going to do would be to make it tougher if I did get back. My ulcer was still there with my worry and insomnia and nightly nightmares. And I didnt see how Id ever support myself or ever have a wife and kids as all money had to go towards college and not a social life. I pretty much said screw it. ,,,, I was still bored out of my mind and I could not find anyone I could relate to. Noone else in my family ever thought of going to college or ever being anything so they had no idea what I was worrying about. Other males were gone. Either to college themselves on their parents money in those rare-loan days or they went into the military. Dennis and Skip virtually vanished and they were no where near what I was trying to do intellectually. Dennis had no college interest and Skip took courses at York Junior College and got money from the state as grants while I scored much higher and got zero. ,,,, Took my daily walks downtown to just hang around,,, Maybe stopped by to see my mother at the York Bank,,, Took my Hannah Penn to Allen Field walks. Took my long walks to Mister Donut to nurse coffees until 3am and then walk back in the FREEZING cold. That was a bad winter. I think the Lincoln Highway Garage stopped staying open all night so my big excitement was to stop at the all-night Laundromat to get a machine coffee and warm up. I was the only one there at night and I walked that soliatry walk often. It was over five miles in the cold at 3am. A guess 3 to the laundromat and two from there to home. Must have done that about 25 times that January as there was never anything for me to do,,,, I started sending casette tapes back and forth to the guys at Briscoe. That was my biggest excitement of 1970-1971 in York. In those days you could mail them in the little plastic cases they came in for two stamps and an index card in side could be seen thru the case and flipped to send it back and forth. ,,,, Walked to malls,,, Cold War/Vietnam in the paper every day,,, Mailed and got Hallmark cards,,, I received a photo off a Frank Zappa album from Val in which he looks like a greaser. I put it on my third floor door. They also sent me a photo of it in the bathroom of their apartment (They moved into one and out of Briscoe at some time. It was probably not until Feb 1971, actually). ,,,, I also put a calendar with the dates checked off until I could return on the door with the other two things. All three things are there to this day, curling up. They probably did not actually go up there until Spring of 1971 yet the few months until my return seemed longer than the decades since then,,, I still drank at HOUSE OF LORDS downtown. At sometime in the future it turned into LORD DONSHIRES and then LORD BEFWICKS,,,, Still trying to get money for college and bothering my IU counselor. Nowadays any moron can get loans, but not then,,, I think loans by then were by the individual banks with rules by individual states. They werent really national loans yet and extremely tough to get,,, I thought of my dead dog every night when I went to bed,,, Still the Hippie era but York College almost non-radical,,,, Wondered if it was wise to leave the Catholic Church as I wasnt wild enough for the era,,, VW bugs were still big, Maybe Skip had his then,,, Girls wearing chokers then?,,, Still trying to figure out how to be all things for all people with no money,,, The 1971 SUPERBOWL was typical of 1971: worst one in history. Between Baltimore Colts and Dallas Cowboys. Nothing but fouls and mistakes and penalties. I watched it. I recall I was really sicjk that day. Naturally Baltimore won just like the baseball team won in October 1970. I had to hear all this Baltimore sports crap everywhere I went. They really got on New Yorkers here then. Unlike now, I was the only New Yorker around here then,,, No heavier Burden Than A Great Potential,,, On Sundays Id walk over to the EDGAR ST SHOP CENTER. Blue Laws then but BOOKLAND was open. There was also an A&P there and a fancy drugstore and the WEIS that is STILL there. ,,, I think this may have been when Dennis was doing all that shoplifting just 'for fun'. Figured! Any time I get to know anyone it always becomes a problem as everyone else around me does things I was taught from birth not to do. He got hundreds of dollars worth of gift certificates for BOOKLAND yet he still liked to shoplift from them. One day he has this big baggy coat and he slips the BASEBALL ENCYCLOPEDIA under the back! He then goes up to the counter with me and buys something small. He then walks right out with it. He eventually got caught sometime later at a newsstand at West Market and S.Newberry. I know that at one time he didnt show for something in Pa. and ran down to Maryland and another time he was wanted in Maryland so he ran to Pa. Once, he took a drink in Md and drove a car right thru a plate glass window. His first and last drink. Another time some drunk attacked him outside a bar and he hit the guy and the guy hit his head on the curb and died and he was wanted for manslaughter. Only with Ken and val did I ever find people who werent into getting in trouble,,, Had my wargames. Played with the Strat O Matic Baseball codes. Possibly played the game. Did I play my big metal hockey game?,,,, Parents always fighting due to money. My father was always doing anything he coukld to keep my mother and me intimidated. Always saying the most horrible things. Later hed say they were only words. Yet everyone had to watch anything they said to him. There were no 'verbal abuse' laws then. My mother was constantly scared. She'd say that she was always , "WALKING ON EGGS" where my father was concerned. He lived on almost nothing but sugary things and year slater I referred to his 'sugar fit temper' as hed go ballistic so quickly. Of course, the two bitches, Viola and Loralee could hide behind him. They were as reptilian and obnoxious as he was so they related to each other and against my mother and me. I wonder why else the filthy bitches thought they were getting away with it. Didnt they ever expect me to outlive my father? I guess evil doesnt look ahead,,, I'd see Bill and Steve a couple times a month, I guess. But not as much after missing the Sept 1970 trip as before. At some time they also went to COOPERSTOWN without me,,, I was at the Lincoln Hwy Garage on the way out one night. And some guy said to me that he never saw anyone as young as I so concerned with death as I was. That shocked me as I had just walke din, this guy, a stranger said something to me, I said a few sentences back, and thats what he came up with. I knew I was weird and depressed but didnt know I had gone THAT far down that people knew it immediately,,, If I went to the bar downtown for my two drinks or up to the North mall I probably stopped at the post office until midnight to stand alone in there and drink coffee out of the machine and hang around. ,,,, I spent a lot of time in the stacks of the MARTIN LIBRARY daily like a good nerd who didnt have a girlfriend. I had the same interest in girls as any 20 year old but they all seemed so jaded and wild compared to me. Nothing ROMANTIC about them. Nothing DECENT about them. No wonder the other guys just used them for sex. There was nothing there to love,,, But if I didnt have to worry about college I knew Id have a lot more leeway in life. I'd have a job in those days that they paid well. Id have a license and a car. id get around enough to find a wife and have a family. But college ended all that,,, My room was still on the 3rd floor where I was private. My father always tried to get me down to the front room on the 2nd but I always avoided it. ,,, Was this when Loralees husband John took me out to drink??? Or was it later? Couldnt have been too much later as I recall it was really cold. ,,,, Divorced women from high school still appearing. I doubt if a day goes by that I dont see women on TV whining about how their boyfriends and husbands beat the hell out of them and these guys are obviously evil and you can see it in their faces yet thats what those women wanted much more tahn any decent guy that would have treate dthem well. Young women are such evil sado-masochists. Evil to decent guys and to themselves. But loving to those males who are the least able to appreciate such things. I was learning that the hard way in the 60s and the return of all these defiled second-hand women confirmed it. I have seen no change since. 3-31-00,,, _______ ______ FEBRUARY 1971:___: February first was a Monday,,,, Woke up on third floor every morning,,, walked downtown,,, mother worked at bank,,, think my father worked at the national center for McCrorys loading trucks,,, Went downtown and hung around the 5&10s and big drugstores with their soda fountain counters,,, The stores were still nice but downtown continued to die as noone went there at night anymore and the factories near downtown kept leaving and the middle class was running to the suburbs since the race riots,,, Maybe ate some lunches with my mother,,, Sent those casette atpes back and forth to IU friends. really looked forward to the mail then as they were such good and humorous writers and talkers,,, Sometimes to the little fountain at Jackson/Sherman near my house. Still no college students living around me,,, Out to malls at night. ,,, Took the cottage place, hannah penn, poplar street, sherman st, allen field walk. Came back late the same way,,, Out to malls and Mr Donut at night and back via the stop at the laundromat all by myself maybe 25 times a month in the dark cold night bored out of my mind and just waiting,,,, I had been hoping to be able to return in FEbruary 1971 for that semester but that fell through and just made me more hopeless especially in the cold dark winter,,, 3-31-00 451pm,,,,

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TIME AND DATE: 1971 Calendar